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Author Topic: Laugh Out Loud  (Read 264 times)

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Offline [Not Shown, Login to View]

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Laugh Out Loud
« on: Oct 22, 2014 »
It's 8.30a.m in the morning and I was still sleeping,
was it due to the party I attended last night or the
ogogoro I drank in mama Bukky's joint? I guess no
cos I am found of sleeping.
Deep inside my sleep I had a heavy knock on my
door, it was mama's voice, "òle omo
alapamasise" (Lazy boy) can't you look at the time
you are still sleeping? when your mates are out
there making money, my mother shouted from the
door of my room. Her voice woke me up in anger
and I had no choice than to get up because she will
not stop knocking until she sees me outside.
I finally got up and went straight to the sitting room,
good morning ma! I uttered in a boned face, my
mum just hissed and walked out of the sitting room.
Who cares? I quickly rushed to the kitchen to serve
my hungry stomach but no food in the kitchen
except for the remains of beans left over last night.
I had no choice than to eat it.
Hmmmm! beans again? you this boy, I said to
myself. Yes I don't like beans because I am not
always comfortable anytime I eat beans, but what
else will I eat? Nothing.
After eating the little beans, I was not yet
satisfied...oh God!!!
Why this woman no cook? I asked myself in anger.
Then something quickly came to my mind, Bola! yes
Bola my long time girlfriend.
There is no day I visit her that she won't feed me to
my satisfaction.
So I made up my mind to visit her, I quickly sent her
"pls call me" from my phone.
Can't u call her? a voice asked me. Call wetin?
When I don't have kobo in my pocket 'talkless' of
credit to flash or call.
Mtcheww!!! Silly MTN, when will they start giving
free calls during the day? "awon oloshi" when will
dis "mumu girl" saying (your account balance is too
low for this call) die? so we can start making free
calls, abegii; na dem sabi jare.
After two minute, Bola called me and I told her I will
be visiting her this morning and she told me she is
expecting me.
Early monday morning, you dey go woman house,
you dis guy know dey shame, but wetin man pikin
go do as I know get job nko? I have
graduated since two years back with a second
upper in Accounting but all my effort to get a job is
fruitless... 'No be Nigeria'?, If you don't have link
with top people in office you can't get a job, what a
After thinking about my jobless life for a while, I
quickly rush to the bathroom to clean up and get
ready for Bola's house.
It's now 9.35a.m and I am ready to go.
Chai!!! I will have to trek down to Bola's house again,
na wa ooooo.
As I was walking down to Bola's house, I started
feeling little pain in my stomach... Not again! the
bean had started mixing with my intestine.
I know the result of my taking beans but I had no
Finally I arrived her house and with immediate effect
she served me 'moi moi' and pap(ogi). Huh... beans
again, no prob.
After eating, she asked me to join her family in the
parlor to watch movie so I did.
Her father, mother, two sisters and two visitors
were all in the sitting room together with me and
This time around the beans I ate at home and the
moi moi Bola gave me started mixing with full speed
in my stomach.
I knew where the result is going but I locked up.
After few minute Bola's dad polluted loudly dat
everybody heard the sound and knew the direction it
came from but we all pretended that we heard
Wow! this is an opportunity for me to drop my
atomic bomb boiling and mixing in my stomach.
I dropped the first batch "fiiieeee fiiieee" (oh!
Oluwaseun na silent one).
After few seconds, the sitting room started smelling
dead rat and spoilt eggs. Even the air fresheners
that were hanged around the sitting room couldn't
take the smell, dey all fell from the wall to the floor.
In few seconds, another dropped from my Bottom
"fuuuuuuuu" the smell started again, I noticed that
the fishes in the aquarium had stop swimming and
the paint in the sitting room started changing colour.
Bola: Daddyyyyy!
Bola's dad: "Emi ko oooo" (It's not me)... (staring at
Bola's Mum) that's when we noticed that Bola's
mum had passed out!
Ehnnn she was sitting next to me but I didn't notice.
Suddenly, the sound of the falling fishes from the
aquarium woke her up, Yes! dis time around the
fishes are all dead and the glass had broken in
pieces too.
I quickly told Bola... "I am going" and she nodded in
FIAMMM, see speed...
Tomorrow is another day!!!
U can't imagine the havoc I caused...Hmm

moving to greater height

Offline [Not Shown, Login to View]

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Re: Laugh Out Loud
« Reply #1 on: Oct 30, 2014 »
Ha ha ha ha ha ha this is some crazy stuff man
Leave it for God, don't worry yourself. Leave it for God, don't cry no more.


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